I think I’m a fraud.

I did the correct things in the right order. I read the guidelines thrice. I edited my word count and submitted in the appropriate format.

I slowly wound my way through the bureaucracy of writing, posting, submitting, designing. I built trust and loved on the few who were called to hear this message.

It never became big; I never garnered a following.

It felt like I was a fraud.

So I spent those years in the trenches, usually learning the slow, hard way, without enough money or time to purchase the help I needed or get “somewhere” quickly. By the time I was proud of myself for learning the new thing, pouring hours into mastering whatever the thing might be, a new technology had already been created to do it for me.

Hours wasted; years of work gone, spent.

I followed the formulas, too, the sequences, the seven-steps, and the ordered paths. Set forth by marketing masterminds and blogger gurus, these blueprints were arduous and exhausting to implement. They chafed at my dyslexic brain as I fought to grasp their sorcery–so effective, so improbable to comprehend, and so impossible to implement.

I wrote my bio as if I am someone. I seem impressive, and what I said is all still true. But I still feel like I am presenting a facade for I am really quite ordinary.

But the message went out. Only to a few. But those few heard. I did my best to bless them and serve them well.

It was worth it; it is worth it, I must tell myself over and again. My calling feels so big . . .

Fraud as a writer

The rest of this post is found at Red Tent Living, as I talk about writing, identity and how we can moving forward past impostor syndrome from the context of spiritual faith.

Then read the next two posts in the series here:

Identity Theft: Impostor Syndrome Pt.2

Work: Impostor Syndrome Pt.3

Hi! Let me introduce myself with my lovely cheesy fake smile. I’m Elisa Johnston and this is where I base online (in real life I’m usually in beautiful San Diego, CA).

I’m here to empower you,  an everyday, super busy, normal person who’s figuring out this adulting thing and who cares about stuff. I help you to be an influencer who makes a difference in the world. 

Stick around Average Advocate and together we will move past the overwhelm of life and the despair of global problems, find your purpose, and discover what your best role is to change the world is. 

I’m no magician. I just encourage and guide as I  write, coach, speak, consult and start-world-changing things to help us move forward.  

In case I sounded unapproachable, let me tell you a little bit about myself. Besides empowering this community, I spend most of my time attempting to live intentionally in my faith (I’m a Jesus person), in my home (the husband + raising my three kids + adult kid), in my relationships, and being creative and adventuring wherever and whenever I can. (Ya, I might live in beautiful San Diego, but I’m always itching to explore.)

Now it is your turn…  What’s your story? 

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